Day 3 - Optimus Loser

For a predominantly lazy person, I have a surprisingly strong disposition to tackle daily mundanity in the most efficient way possible, enabling me to move quickly onto the next rushed and unimportant chapter. For example, I'm aware of the mental health benefits of regularly adapting the route of my walk to work to increase sensory variety. But my unwavering over-awareness of the most efficient route means I just cannot bring myself to deviate from a walk which includes a predominantly grey urban environment alongside busy main roads and involves getting muddy on rainy days hobbling through desire paths.

At least this self-insistence makes some level of sense on the way to work - The sooner I clock in, the sooner I finish. What makes less sense is that I also apply this to the way back from work, determined to make it back for 4pm only to find myself sitting at home wondering what to do with myself.

What continues to defy logic is that I apply this thought-process to all aspects of life. Walking to the pub with a friend, I will battle mild internal frustration and begrudgingly accept undertaking a sub-optimal route.

As strange walking traits go, I'll take it. It's negligible. Up until my mid-teens I used to obsess with achieving an equal number of steps when walking. This sounds like exactly what would happen anyway, given the mechanics of walking partnered with my number of legs. But for some reason I decided to force unnecessary patterns upon myself, increasing in complexity over time. I wonder how many people noticed me lurch into minor spasm whilst attempting to disguise a surreptitious hop. The irony being that all the while wasting valuable seconds deciding to pointlessly hop complex patterns, I was still intent on achieving absolute efficiency of direction.

So at least I've made some progress in becoming less of a freak. But it isn't just walking which falls victim to my self-prescribed nonsensical ordinance. Another example - I tactically structure my food and drink intake to achieve optimal timing. Firstly I wait as long as possible to eat breakfast, temporarily offsetting my hunger with a coffee. A late breakfast enables me to optimise financially by avoiding pre-lunch snacks. Too much caffeine too close together makes me dizzy, so a coffee prior to breakfast is optimal as it means there is less waiting time between breakfast and the next caffeinated drink. Lunch provides the next buffer between caffeinated drinks, as I further optimise output, achieving a maintained energy level with the lowest required financial expenditure. I forgot to mention - I won't have my first caffeinated drink too early, it must be perfectly timed before the first mentally stimulating task of the day. What's the point in being buzzed for the walk to work? That is not optimal!!! So as I was saying, I'm not as much of a freak anymore.

There are other examples but if I were to go into them it would significantly infringe upon my daily optimisation.

Have I grasped a level control over time? Or have I fallen even further victim to its inexorable infinity? Probably the latter. My natural inclination is to compromise mental wellbeing for efficiently and finance. And I'm not particularly quick to achieve anything, nor am I rich, so to what evidence do I persist with this tactic? Well, I could always be worse off. There may be a parallel universe in which I do not apply this approach and I am in absolute turmoil. There is no way of knowing for sure. Best to play it safe and carry on exactly as I am - an optimus loser.