Day 70 - Evading Glastonbury Moans & Groans

Fewer than three weeks until Glastonbury... I reckon that's soon enough to write about. Withstanding a barrage of negativity surrounding the line-up, I am determined to not be worn down by gloom. It doesn't matter how many time I say I like the line-up, there seems to be a 100% guarantee that a number of people larger than me will fervently oppose this.

"The line-up isn't very good", "I'm not a fan of the line-up this year", "The line-up is rubbish". Yes, okay, I get it. It's getting almost as tired as the "has Morrissey ruined The Smiths' music" mandatory platitudes - And just to not be hypocritical, it's also as tired as my opposing viewpoint on that subject. So its not personal - I am also very much bored of me as well as everybody else. Seemed as if I was beginning to mention Morrissey less but the final paragraph of this Guardian article from the other day served as an unfortunate reminder of my tedious weary - https://www.theguardian.com/music/2023/may/31/the-glory-of-it-was-real-40-years-of-the-smiths-peel-sessions

Getting back to the point - Glastonbury. Admittedly it is not my absolute dream line-up and does not get close to 2019, a year so good that I forsake my only opportunity to see The Streets. But firstly Glastonbury is an amazing experience even aside from the music. Secondly it's better than last year's line-up. And thirdly, although none of my all-time favourite acts are there, at least, with the exception of Loyle Carner, this year's line-up is a refreshing change from the perpetual landfill festival acts (Sleaford Mods, Yard Act, Dry Cleaning, Fontaines DC. Little Simz etc). I even quite like all those artists but their constant ubiquity has given rise to an ill feeling of association.

Plus I can't think of many acts which would be in my all-time favourites which I haven't already seen. Bjork, Brian Wilson, Outkast (but they're not currently active anyway) and The Streets. You could throw in Pulp*, Erykah Badu & Aphex Twin but I've got tickets to see them this year anyway. So the pool which Glastonbury are operating within to specifically please me is far too thin to expect fireworks. Fireworks don't work in thin pools. My only slight disappointments are the lack of UK Hip-Hop at The Salon Carousel, Sparks clashing with Arctic Monkeys and Dr Syntax being on at midnight on Sunday.

*An asterisks on Pulp as they continue their cruel crusade of mental torture. Their tour dates conveniently omit Glastonbury weekend but despite the full line-up being announced they remain nowhere to be seen. On the one hand optimistically, but on the other hand incredibly frustratingly there are some blank secret slots which they could yet occupy. One of which is at 18:15 on the Pyramid Stage, where a fake band name, "The Churnups", currently holds the place of whichever band this will be. There is a line of thought that if you churn something up it becomes pulp, leading to further Pulp noises. I can also imagine Jarvis saying "The Churnups" in is dull-set yet soothing low Yorkshire tones. The other main rumour is Foo Fighters, largely because people have fallen for this random Twitter account claiming to be The Churnups and leaving Foo Fighters based comments. People have got mixed up, thinking that Foo Fighters follows this account, but it's the other way round. However what could hold more credence to this rumour is that Dave Grohl was apparently in a band called Churn before he was in Nirvana, so annoyingly Foo Fighters does still seem possible. If I were either band I would announce it beforehand. You don't want to start a set and half of the crowd leave immediately, visibly and probably vocally pissed off.

If The Churnups turn out to not be Pulp I will be disappointed but there is a decent consolation in that I will be heading straight to see Joey Bada$$. The Friday will continue with the beginning of Sparks set, followed by Arctic Monkeys and leading into an amazing trio at Arcadia of The Chemical Brothers, Floating Points and Sherelle. Slight caveat - I will have to miss most, if not all of The Chemical Brothers due to the Arctic Monkeys, but oh well, can't have it all. 

Saturday has an interesting variety throughout. Say She She, Sudan Archives, Jockstrap, Mr Key, Ezra Collective, Earl Sweatshirt, Mahalia and Lana Del Rey. The only two I am absolutely committed to seeing are Earl Sweatshirt and Lana Del Rey, the latter of which I am particularly excited for. But the freedom of being able to approach the rest of the day with a relaxed approach whilst being guaranteed musical variety sounds good to me. What other festival would have what seems like a disappointing day yet keeps you constantly able to see acts you genuinely like, whilst also having a headliner you are massively excited for? None in the UK. Plus after two sweaty days without a wash and constant suncream I could even sacrifice a few hours queuing for a shower.

Sunday opening with Sophie Ellis-Bextor is good but ideally it would be ever so slightly later on to get a chance to re-energise. Weyes Blood will be a nice chill as I muster up the energy (drink) for Blondie, which will be great. Indisputable all-time legend status. West Holts beckons after with Barrington Levy providing the reggae and Candi Staton following with some 70s soul. Later on a choice between Elton John and Queens of the Stone Age (probably the latter) before I hopefully end on Dr Syntax & Eva Lazarus but if not anything will be great.

Oh give me strength as I continue to battle hard in my stoic pursuit to resist succumbing to misery. Herein lies the most treacherous and noble fight against the odds of all time. Oh lord, please, please, please give me the strength.