Day 1 - Fault & Wallow

Am I in a lull or a rut? I'm optimistically leaning towards lull. Partly my fault, partly the fault of my reliance on others for creative projects. But that isn't their fault. So the part of the fault which is part-fault is partly my fault. 

And with me being to blame, I should probably try to actually do something about it. I've heard that forcing yourself to write something daily, anything, no matter how short, or shit, is a useful strategy. So finally, after a long period of procrastination, I follow in the shadow of Richard Herring, Adam Buxton and my ex uncle-in-law.

Due to logistical and technological shortcomings too dull to bother explaining, I crouch cross-legged on my bed over a loud, growling laptop, which vehemently makes clear that it does not appreciate ever being disturbed. And for the thousandth time I consider when would be most financially prudent to extricate myself from this passive-aggressive dynamic. As I posture my posture (HAHAHAHAHA!!!), I realise that despite now living the prestigious high life of office management, I still experience the same problems as when I was a teenager. 

STRIKE!!!

Speaking of strikes... the lack of interest and general mocking tone from within the organisation doesn't inspire confidence. Other people's lack of self-worth may mean I am stuck with a boiling hot, self-pitying laptop for much longer. Oh, the despair! But at least I have another excuse for my lack of creative motivation. At least I can outsource my depression. Every cloud.

Am I even depressed? Or am I just self-wallowing? Is self-wallowing depression? Do I even wallow? Wallowing seems a bit dramatic. I'm not sure I suit it. I don't want to suit it anyway. What is it I do? What am I like? What am I like eh?!!

That's enough fault and wallow for one day. Time to draw up a cost-benefit analysis of whether to buy a new laptop or continue to throw both my brain and spine out of alignment.

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