Day 10 - Repetition

"Round here, nothing seems to change. Same old thing every day. Just gets played and replayed in different ways" - The Streets

Lying in tedium somewhere between a sinking feeling in my stomach and a disparaging eye roll, whilst being less impactful than either, sits my emotional response to almost every conversation. I used to hate small talk but now I get it. Big talk doesn't go anywhere other than raising cortisol and causing fall-outs, only for nothing to change anyway. But as much as I understand small-talk, that isn't to say I'm not also sick of it. It's equally repetitive. 

"Tax the rich". "Are jaffa cakes a cake or a biscuit?" "Can you separate the artist from the art?" "Football vs Rugby". "Veganism vs vegetarianism vs pescatarianism vs eating meat". "It's not actually lead in pencils". "Israel v Palestine". "That period between Christmas and New Year is weird". "Climate change". "MILK AFTER TEABAG!" "Political correctness". "Cats or dogs?" "WAR!". "It is acceptable to drink at any time at an airport". "Racism, classism, sexism etc etc etc". "Pineapple does not belong on pizza."

Same old thing every day.

My relationship with repetition isn't entirely straightforward though; I love a repetitive song, whether that be a song by The Fall, a rotating hip-hop sample, or an industrial techno beat. A disparity exists somewhere between hearing the same noises repeated, which I enjoy, and hearing the same conversations repeated, which I hate. Maybe if I constantly listen to techno at a low volume and have conversations to a beat that would solve my world-weariness.

What I probably enjoy about repetitive music is that noises don't contain ostensibly malleable but in reality unwavering opinions. Noises don't pretend to consider another perspective whilst not really listening because their mind is made up regardless. The world would be a better place if people were replaced by noises. 

It's maddening knowing to a strong degree of likelihood what somebody reads, listens to or watches, based on less two minutes worth of interaction. Conversation after conversation, trying to compete with hours and hours of content they've already decided they agree with. Having to miraculously muster up energy from somewhere to bother responding, knowing that no matter what you have to say, even if something momentarily goes in, that they are going to go home and continue to absorb their subscriptions much more intently and for far longer than they have listened to you.

Maybe I'm just impatient.

Surprisingly, as bleak as this probably reads, I have a solution - Silly talk. Having a daft laugh n that. The infinite possibilities of being nonsensical provides the perfect antidote to counteract predictability. If I was more intellectual this would be the point where I begin discussing Dadaism, but no, my point ends there. As long as I ignore the fact that neglecting my actual thoughts is causing an internal build-up of repressed resentment and rage, I can have a nice, positive, silly outlook. And it's nice to have a happy ending.