Day 11 - Stop this Dourness. Look at the Lovely Summer!

I'd hoped to some extent that daily writing would provide a catharsis, a minute sense of purpose and some sort of mental clarity. Mild expectations. To an extent it does achieve this but a predominant lesson it's taught me is that at any given moment, I'm not really sure how I feel.

With longer, sunnier days returning, in my active conscious mind I feel happier. I've also, at long last, had progress towards an actual physical diagnosis for an ongoing long lasting issue, after years of the classic medical "anxiety" cop out. Health Services are really exploiting mental health awareness with that one. But despite all this, combined with the fact that I am the very person preaching silliness in yesterday's entry, this is generally a pretty depressing blog.

Feeling in good spirits after a pleasant morning with a nice breakfast, a coffee and happily chatting to friends, I proceed to sit behind a keyboard and my thoughts are immediately overwrought with negativity. It is particularly odd as in general I have positive associations with this new venture. I acknowledge that the initial enthusiasm has cooled, evident in a somewhat deteriorating writing standard. But equally I think accepting imperfections is a good thing in terms of maintaining my interest. An arena for venting thoughts I have largely given up vocalising is useful. And yet, for some reason, more often than is ideal, it leaves me feeling even more mental.

Stop this dourness! It's a lovely sunny day! Look at the lovely blue sky. Its lovely!!! I agree with me, it is good. I'm glad it's here but let's not put too much pressure on summer. I don't want to stress it out. 

GET OUT OF MY WAY. Oh, well done. You've ruined the best part of the song!! Idiot. Zero patience for fellow pedestrians making inconsiderate choices of a combination of pace, turn and/or direction. If I'm not listening to music it's bad enough, but come on, don't you care that my enjoyment of this song is predicated on avoiding unnecessary, selfish distractions to enable a successful walk flow?

I need to chill out. Sometimes I think I've sorted myself out and I'm fine, but then suddenly out of nowhere it's apparent I'm clearly not. Why can't I just chill out? It's summer! Look at the lovely summer. That usually works. Look at it!!