Day 34 - I'm Not Gordon Willis. I am Gordon Willis! Hmm... No. I am Not Gordon Willis.

I'm thinking that maybe I need to delete my Instagram posts. For some reason at the end of 2021 I got it in my head that it was a good idea to start posting stills from my favourite films, as if anybody cares. I even knew at the time that nobody cared. I was vocal about how it was simply something for me and how I didn't care about if anybody else was interested; it was just a sort of personal collection. Bullshit. It was projected narcissism. I was kidding myself with the same spiel that everybody does about their own social media. If it's just for yourself, why are you posting it publicly? I feel dirty and ashamed.

Feeling dirty and ashamed is probably good reason to delete these photos, however I just had a quick look through and I do have an attachment. Obviously that attachment is bollocks. Of course I have an attachment, they are my favourite films. It's not like deleting these images deletes the films from existence. They aren't even anything to do with me. I'm not Gordon Willis. 

In retrospect, being that I started this "personal project" in 2021, I don't think it is a coincidence that this coincides with the year I think I started to feel depressed. I knew even then that posting more on social media is associated with adverse mental health. But not me! I'm the exception! I'm fine! I am Gordon Willis! 

Feeling dirty and ashamed and it being a reminder of depression and not being Gordon Willis is probably good reason to delete these photos. Still I'm wary of being reactionary. In the same way that I have retrospectively evaluated my previous decisions and mental wellbeing here, I'm conscious that in the future I may look back on this time and judge deleting my Instagram feed as the actions of a man in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. 

I'll give it some time. The only thing I really know for sure is that I am not Gordon Willis.

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