Day 9 - Heavy Clag

Not hungover this time but still I come equipped with excuses. Waking up at 6am isn't the ideal start to a Sunday morning but I was willing to accept it and focus on the positives of having more time to consider the possibility of, but ultimately not, making the most of this extra time. I did actually start relatively productively, arranging an Argos collection for a range of bedding items. Wow! An Earth-shattering start! Who knows what I could be capable of.

Perhaps it was Karma for giving the Earth such an aggressive pummelling so early on in the day, but my capabilities of further Earth-pummelling took a serious pummel themselves. An immediate deterioration, self-inflicted by the consumption of a personal experiment - A cup of Biscoffee. Confidence in my invention was fuelled and severely misplaced, almost solely by the strength of its portmanteau. I mixed a teaspoon of Biscoff spread with a small amount of boiling water to create a paste, before adding coffee and further boiling water. Flavoured coffee syrups are good, so why wouldn't this work?

Well, the answer it seems (I haven't actually looked this up, I'm just assuming), is that flavoured coffee syrups aren't laden with vegetable oil. Never having experienced a sensation like this before, the initial confusion meant that I continued to drink this thick, oily slurry for far longer than is respectable. Vegetable oil aside, the flavour was actually ok and though the viscosity was unusual, I wasn't necessarily against it in principle - I like thickshakes. But something wasn't right. Almost half-way through it dawned on me... it was as if somebody had brewed my coffee in a chip fryer. Not only was this drink quite disgusting, it was clogging up my arteries whilst it's caffeine simultaneously stimulated my heart like a sewage speedball. Three hours later, I'm still experiencing mild nausea and heavy clag.

Definitely a failed experiment. But although I used it as an excuse for a consecutive sub-standard entry, at least it gave me a topic. Hopefully my future writing won't require inspiration which detracts from my life expectancy.