Day 48 - Curb Your Thinking

It's probably evident that my enthusiasm for writing has began to wane, which given that my enthusiasm for basically everything has waned over the past few years, I am mentally prepared. When first starting this blog I believe I even mentioned that I mustn't view this new exercise as some sort of magical cure for motivation.

I've always been one to overthink but the latest development in my determination to not enjoy anything is overthinking the worth of my hobbies. Doing my fantasy football team, watching a movie, writing, editing sketches, the pub, etc etc. There was once a time where, like a normal person, I took to my favourite pastimes instinctively, without incessant review of how much I'm really enjoying it or how valuable this activity is. I almost now approach my hobbies as pre-determined tickbox exercises to achieve the requirement of filling time.

There are clear examples of which activities are most productive. My comedy sketches being the clear example of this. Time and effort in this area has begat a back catalogue of content which if not for me would not exist. I am proud of that this and therefore know that time spent in this capacity is not wasted. However when I was first making those sketches I was in true mental flow, fully engrossed and motivated in writing, directing and editing. As opposed to now where I feel I approach it as more of a necessity in order to feel more mentally sound, which makes it a chore, which makes it less enjoyable. And if it isn't enjoyable, is that a valuable use of time? Whether it's lazy, chilled out and passive or a productive hobby, I have over-analysed it to the point of mental exhaustion and now I've run out of hobbies.

Once you've gotten into this thought pattern it's difficult to extricate yourself from it. Thoughts can't be controlled, they just come at you, distracting you from being present. Distracting you from just enjoying the things you know you enjoy. I know I like doing these things, why isn't that enough?!

"Oh won't somebody stop me, from thinking, from thinking all the time, about everything" - By my standards it's been a while since I've quoted Morrissey, so here's this from Our Frank.