Day 59 - Crippled by a Home-Baked Savoury Breakfast Muffin

Financial prudence once again gets the better of me as I recklessly opt for a free breakfast brought in by a colleague, instead of having my previously purchased porridge. Alliteration – the cheap man’s poetic flair. What can I say? I’m a cheap man. I’ve probably saved about 10p on breakfast by sacrificing my health and wellbeing. Nonetheless, even whilst in significant discomfort, there is still a large part of me which feels positive about saving that 10p. Not only is it a saving, but it is also a delaying of having to go to the shop. Both minimal gains, but two minimal gains, even the most minimal possible multiple, is still a multiple, so I’m in.

Ironically this mindset is detrimental to my overall inter-categorical prudence, forever anxiously wavering over the most unimportant of quandaries. “Do I make dinner at half 5 then have a snack later or have a snack now and dinner later?” – That’s at least quarter of an hour lost every day.

It’s strange how I can spend the entire weekend drinking beer but the thing which cripples me is eating a home-baked savoury breakfast muffin. Such is life. Muscular tension, strained breathing and mild but consistent visual disturbances. Last week it was biscuits, this week a muffin. Stupid muffin. At least, unlike the biscuit, this hasn’t set my insides on fire. Not yet anyway. I want to have a cup of tea, but a cup of tea on top of a home-made savoury breakfast muffin? I’m not some sort of adrenaline-seeking daredevil stuntman.

Being in the office makes it particularly difficult as I’m faced with two options when people try to talk to me. One is to explain that I have been physically and mentally overwhelmed by a muffin. The other is to pretend I am fine, struggling to respond to everything which is asked of me. I tend to opt for the latter because although challenging, it is still preferable to not be viewed as a freak.

The muffin was quite nice though.

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