Day 61 - More Migraines
Another visual migraine onset by a combination of a disconcerting call with my line manager followed by a cinema trip to see Beau is Afraid, a pretentious overly-long adventure movie described by Mark Kermode as a 3 hour panic attack and fever dream.
Last thing in the day my manager annoyed me; Preaching help and guidance but with a large stench of undermining and judgement, mixed with gaslighting. I was advised to go into the office on unscheduled days, even if I don't have a desk, instead to cosy up to my members of staff as if that isn't intruding on their personal space. "Yes I know this is your desk, but I am your boss and I am going to sit here and half your space as if I'm closely monitoring your every move." I said this to him in a politer roundabout way, to which he replied saying "well I do this with you, do you feel like this when I do it?". He absolutely has never done that to me, which I put to him, to which he replied "I do" and once you get to this stage what can you do? You can't argue with insanity.
So I headed to the cinema in an annoyed and slightly paranoid state of mind. Has someone complained about me? Or has my manager been told by his manager to complete some development-based managerial tick-box exercise? It is unnerving coming away from a phone call on the one hand being advised to go for a promotion, but also feeling that people may have complained that you're shit. It was in this uncertain state of mind in which I proceeded to watch a three hour long surrealist nightmare-esque film about a man overcome with fears and anxiety. When I got home I had a migraine. I sat in the dark for an hour.
Last thing in the day my manager annoyed me; Preaching help and guidance but with a large stench of undermining and judgement, mixed with gaslighting. I was advised to go into the office on unscheduled days, even if I don't have a desk, instead to cosy up to my members of staff as if that isn't intruding on their personal space. "Yes I know this is your desk, but I am your boss and I am going to sit here and half your space as if I'm closely monitoring your every move." I said this to him in a politer roundabout way, to which he replied saying "well I do this with you, do you feel like this when I do it?". He absolutely has never done that to me, which I put to him, to which he replied "I do" and once you get to this stage what can you do? You can't argue with insanity.
So I headed to the cinema in an annoyed and slightly paranoid state of mind. Has someone complained about me? Or has my manager been told by his manager to complete some development-based managerial tick-box exercise? It is unnerving coming away from a phone call on the one hand being advised to go for a promotion, but also feeling that people may have complained that you're shit. It was in this uncertain state of mind in which I proceeded to watch a three hour long surrealist nightmare-esque film about a man overcome with fears and anxiety. When I got home I had a migraine. I sat in the dark for an hour.
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